When I was in college, I had a friend whose name was Michael Sean Patrick or Patrick Micheal Sean or Micheal Matthew Paul or something. I can’t remember. He had three first names and that’s all you need to know. Anyway, after a hard night of drinking followed by a lengthy day of classes (SFSU — home of the functioning alcoholic) he’d say he was Mom Tired. And I would laugh. I’D LAUGH, INTERNET. I’d laugh and then, every year or so I’d go to the lady doctor and lie back and stare at the waterfall/tropical beach/ three wee puppies in a basket picture tacked to the ceiling and you know what I would not say? I would not say, uhhh doctor, would it be possible to, while you’re scraping my cervix, to just lob off my ovaries because I know that one day I will be PUNISHED by the fires of hell for laughing when Dylan Brandon David said Mom Tired.
Internet, I have to tell you, I am Mom Tired. To the max. My measles-rubella-scarlet-fever-cancer-monkey-plague is still harshing my mellow (does anyone remember Paulie Shore? I wish I didn’t, but I’m from Southern California and it’s one of many crosses I bear) and AND I was a true journalist and stayed up past my bedtime on Saturday night to interview Belladonna, star of hundreds of adult films, including The Greatest Asswhores Ever! (Please, Internet Search Gods, go easy on me. And yes, that exclamation point is part of the title) and The ConAssuer. I can never correctly spell that word either.
My interview will be up on PDX Pipeline and I’ll link to it here. But in my interview, I asked Belladonna how she balances a full-time acting and directing career while having a small child. Yes, she is a mom. And she said something, but all I could think was, oh my god, you’re wearing clothes and I’ve seen right up your bottom and you’re just talking to me like I haven’t seen up your bottom. She was very sweet and charming. She gave me two hugs. Anyway, I don’t know what she said about balancing family and work, but I should have paid closer attention because maybe I wouldn’t be so damn Mom Tired today.
Ken, Stoogie — comments are open if you want to explain to my readers about Belladonna and the baseball bat.
11 comments
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November 24, 2008 at 7:37 am
ken
what can i say about bella? she’s legendary.
always plays with a lot of gusto and vigor. very flexible, and (as you’ve hinted at) extraordinarily “accommodating” as well.
iirc she was raised a mormon.
there was a dateline or some such thing on prime time network tv a few years back that featured her. you could tell that the interview/segment had an agenda to portray her and her career choice in a particular way.
remember, melissa–it’s just skin!
November 24, 2008 at 8:10 am
Kristen
Belladonna.
Jesus.
I think I’d like to have lunch with Tera Patrick. She seems nice and really cool to hang out with.
November 24, 2008 at 9:30 am
Kiala
I’ve never heard of Belladonna, but you know what I don’t like?
I don’t like the up close clinical porn shots. It just ruins the whole thing for me.
I mean, like, I want to know they’re having anal sex or whatever, but I don’t want to see it so close. It’s like watching an episode of House.
Who may I write a letter to about this?
November 24, 2008 at 9:32 am
Kristen
I’ve been saying “harsh my mellow” all morning. Just so you know.
November 24, 2008 at 10:20 am
apollocreed
The fact that it has the exclamation point part of the title makes it all the more awesome.
November 24, 2008 at 11:24 am
ken
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Belladonna_(erotic_actress)
i was right–she WAS pissed at sawyer for the way she was portrayed.
i also found a list of her titles, and pulled out the ones i thought were the funniest:
# The ConnASSeur (2004) (V)
# DNA (2001) (V)
# Easy Cheeks (2002) (V)
# Oral Adventures of Craven Moorehead 14 (2002) (V)
# Welcum to Casa Butts (2002) (V)
# Ass Worship: There Is a God (2001) (V)
# Weapons of Ass Destruction (2002) (V)
# Strictly BuisnASS (2003) (V)
# Carnival Sluts and Circus Dicks (2003) (V)
# Pussy Foot’n 2 (2003) (V)
# Bella Donna AKA Filthy Whore (2003) (V)
# Ebony in Ivory (2003) (V)
# Booty Duty 11: Operation Bung-Blast (2003) (V)
# Cumstains (2003) (V)
# Tales from the Crack (2004) (V)
# Fucking Girls Again (2005) (V)
# Nacho Vidal Is Fucking Belladonna (2005) (V)
# Asstravaganza 1 (2005) (V)
# My Ass Is Haunted (2004) (V)
and my personal favorite:
# Gee Your Ass Stretches Terrific (2004) (V)
November 24, 2008 at 2:46 pm
stoogepie
When I just googled ConAssuer here at work, you showed up number 4. Not bad!
Belladonna is indeed legendary. In some interview of her I read a while ago, she was asked to tell the interviewer something unknown about her. And she said, “well, damn, you’ve seen the inside of my asshole so, you know, that’s a tough question. But here is something: I like to shit. It feels good.” And I thought, maybe that’s the secret of women who are really into getting it up the ass: they like the feeling of taking a shit.
If I remember correctly, Nacho Vidal Is Fucking Belladonna is the movie in which she takes the baseball bat up the ass.
There. Now, Melissa, you are totally set up for a post about the search times people use to find your website.
November 24, 2008 at 4:32 pm
Kathryn
Hmmm. I’m a little afraid to google it.
November 25, 2008 at 4:25 pm
Shelly
Mom tired–I’ve been looking for a way to work that into my vocab today, but so far haven’t found the way to do it.
Really–I’m quite lazy, and if I get tired, I sleep, or sit, or watch ghost hunters. Really. I don’t get stressed about 3 days of dishes in the sink, or floors that are coated with pet hair.
So, it’s rare I’m mom-tired, but that is an awesome saying….I’m going to file it away in the dusty place (called a brain) and use it some day.
November 25, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Boldmama
Mom tired. Yes. That is what I am. Mom-tired and Mom-weary. But it is satisfying somehow. Happy T-Day. Hope your turkey is moist and your pie crust is buttery.
November 26, 2008 at 11:16 pm
mediaChick
What’s the big deal about the baseball bat? Doesn’t everyone do that? It’s basic foreplay, fer Pete’s sake.