Tonight I’m going to stand in front of 700 people and talk about narrative. For five minutes. I have a wee slide show that will show behind me. The slides move every 15 seconds. DO YOU KNOW HOW FAST 15 SECONDS IS? I wore my 4″ heels yesterday for two hours. Afterward, I felt marvelous.

At 4am, I woke up like this:

That second deer would have been Steve if I hadn’t kicked him out of bed earlier because I NEEDED TO REST.

I’m good in groups, Internet. I’m extremely charming in groups. And I laugh like this, “oh-hahahahah!” And I put my hand on the person’s arm and let my eyes convey the message, “You, dear one, are the most compelling, charming human being I’ve ever met,” and by doing this, the other person actually believes I’m the most compelling, charming human being ever.

True dat.

And so, will MelissaLion (that one was for you, Shelly) fill the whole 700-person auditorium with her radiant charm, energy, frankly disarming personality?

FUCK. YES.

Thank you, Internet. I needed that pep talk.

I also made this vimeo for you with my neeeeeeew camera. It’s a little like what’s going on in my head right now.

*Warning: if you have a shoe fetish, an ankle fetish, or feel like Prince’s “When You Were Mine” might just break your heart, you may want to wait to watch this at home.*

And I still can’t figure out how to make it not-skinny. This time I did not put the camera on its side. Little help. But wait, it’s not skinny, it’s hotdog. Or whatever. Still, little help??