Melissa Lion Index

Oh my god, I did the thing I should not do especially after a night of drinking (okay I drank two nights ago, but I’m still hung over). I read the Harper’s Index. This led to me a few things — 1) Not sleeping 2) Telling Steve that for one full month, I’m not consuming alcohol because alcohol makes me do stupid things and for the next 17 days after boozing, I am anxious as hell.

So, with all of that, I’m taking a little internet break and I leave you with this:

THE MELISSA LION INDEX

Number of fluffy puppies sniffing flowers in happyville: 76

Percentage of chocolate in scones that promises full carbohydrate to chocolate satisfaction: 87%

Number increase in tomato juiciness when purchased from the Farmer’s Market: +50

Comfort level of favorite shoes: 99%

Of favorite underwear: 100%

Hours of sleep achieved per day: 8.5

Percentage chance that I have not done something so fucking stupid, I need to stay up all night stressing: 0%

Number of roses in Portland’s Washington Park rose garden: 18,000 (give or take)

Importance on a scale of 1 - 1 of seeing friends who love you despite your blatant stupidity: 1

Likelihood that I will recycle that fucking Harper’s without reading much more than the Index because I just cannot deal with one more story on how the world is going to hell in a handbasket and the economy is sucking and we will all die horrible deaths due to pollution, skin cancer, STD’s and the lord punishing us: 100%