Okay, so I do Back Fence PDX with Miss Frayn. And her boyfriend, Mr. Kevin Sampsell is a good pal of mine and asked me to do Booty Call, As Dirty as We Wanna Be, on July 13th. It is a reading with Steve Almond, who wrote Candy Freak (one of my favorite books of all time), Jami Attenberg who wrote The Kept Man, another awesome novel, and Zach Plague, who I don’t know but he seems like a cool guy. And we’re all reading dirrrty stories. But, instead of reading a story, I’m thinking of telling a story because that would be more interesting to me as an audience member, (sorry to all of you readers out there, but I do have a storytelling series) and the story will be fictionalized, like a creative non-fiction sort of situation, about my sex life. Because I HATE SEX. AND GIVING BLOW JOBS. AND I’M NOT SLUT. AND I’VE NEVER HAD SEX BEFORE. Well, you know that already.
So, instead of listing the books we’ve written, the poster will have a little sexy description of each of us. For me, Kevin suggested Melissa Lion, MILF Pinup Model. And I like the MILF part, for sure, the pinup model part I don’t love. So I need you all to help me come up with a title. I have no idea. I’m just relying on you guys to help. Melissa Lion – ???
And, speaking of sex, check me out in Bookslut today. Really, please do, because the book I reviewed really made me wonder what is up with everyone wanting/doing/writing about anal sex lately. Is this what the young people are into these days? I had no idea. I have no opinion on it, but I’m just saying, “what will they think of next!”
And here’s a little inspiration for you.
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June 24, 2008 at 8:35 am
beastard
Perhaps Melissa the Naughty Librarian?
June 24, 2008 at 8:38 am
megkathleen
I have zero ideas, but I’ll be thinking of one. But I probably won’t be able to come up with one…
And I agree with you on your bookslut review – I just have no interest in anal sex, Especially with any of my bosses. Jesus, it kind of makes me nauseous.
June 24, 2008 at 8:40 am
Kiala
Melissa Lion – Takes it in the pooper.
No, wait…that’s Kathie Lee Gifford.
I’M THINKING. BRB.
June 24, 2008 at 8:41 am
Nels
Re: the anal sex trend… I just read a great interview with Dr. Drew (you know, from Loveline) where he spoke to that. Basically, he says that a lot of men get their ideas about sex these days from porn. And what do they see when they watch porn?
Women who like it rough. Women who like aggressive men. And, especially, women who like anal sex. In his opinion, that’s where this whole thing got started. And I totally agree.
Your title should just keep going with the abbreviation thing: OMFG! MILF!
June 24, 2008 at 8:44 am
ken
hmm where to begin. i shall begin at the bookslut review i guess.
well the anal thing is thrust (har har) into the limelight because people are discovering that there’s nothing inherently WRONG about the backdoor. given proper hygiene, it’s as good an orifice as any other–imo of course.
i think american men are starting to realize that the fact that you enjoy anal stimulation to “mix it up” and take it to the next level DOES NOT MAKE YOU GAY. of course, on your average man’s list of priorities, NOT APPEARING GAY is quite high–if not paramount–so for years any kind of pleasure has been vehemently avoided. well, by our american culture at least, and any other macho nazi skinheads too.
frankly i am (and always have been) of the opinion that it’s MY body and i’ll do whatever the fuck i want to with it and to it, but i’ve come to realize that i am remarkably free of the littany of hangups that seem to plague so many of my gender. (thanks mom and dad, and “the joy of sex.”)
don’t forget one of the big reason young girls are getting buggered with greater frequency and regularity is because they feel it will not adversely affect their virginity. apparently virginity is all about the va-jay-jay, and if you keep that off limits you’re free to take it any other way your boyfriend desires, and still take communion with your parents and god watching.
there’s also good old boredom fueling the quest for anal. it’s exciting!
finally, as far as “Melissa Lion – ???” that’s a tough one. let me state reight off the bat that in general i am lousy at names, so don’t expect too much. no, it’s technically not a name but a byline, but still… brevity isn’t my strongest suit. i end up being too ambitious and trying to pack it ALL in, which rarely works if you’re not shakespeare and shit.
obviously we (you) need to pick something that is both accurately descriptive AND titillating and intriguing. an accurate description is important to avoid the appearance of a “bait and switch” tactic which will win a battle but lose a war.
as far as an actual suggestion, let me mull it over a bit.
ken
ps nice picture, hottie. got any more?
June 24, 2008 at 8:45 am
Nels
Yes, it’s the same Playboy interview where he bashes Tom Cruise and Brangelina. So, this is the point where I say that I subscribe to Playboy for the articles and nobody believes me, right?
June 24, 2008 at 9:16 am
Chantel
I love the Pin Up Model part. You’ve got the body for it but its something you should be comfortable with for sure. I’ll have to think on it however, my brain is currently being fried by the desert heat.
As far as anal goes; I’m new at it but with the right person, who is patient and gentle. Its awesome. But my BF has a PhD in sexuality so I know exactly where he got the idea.
June 24, 2008 at 9:21 am
apollocreed
I like Kiala’s idea the best.
June 24, 2008 at 10:23 am
Rachael
Mistress Melissa, a MILF?
June 24, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Kristen
Melissa Lion’s Anus?
And Ken?
Whose blog is this?
June 24, 2008 at 1:57 pm
Isabelle
Melissa Lion-ass (like lioness)
Melissa Lionasty
Melissa Lying Wide Open
June 24, 2008 at 4:40 pm
melissalion
Thanks everyone. Great suggestions. I like the Melissa Lionasty, and Mistress Melissa the MILF. Mainly I like them because they have nothing to do with my ass, well not my ass, but you know. I MEAN I HAVE A GREAT ASS. Ask anyone.
Okay, not anyone.
Okay, yes, anyone.
June 25, 2008 at 12:49 am
thoughtscapade
I like Mistress Melissa the MILF, that ’s my vote.
I saw you today riding with Arch in the trailer. I would have honked but my horm sounds like a truck horn.
Your ass is great, but mine is bigger!