Hey, thank you all for those music suggestions. I put them in a word document and I’ll cross them off my list as they make their way onto my ipod. I have it on shuffle right now, but why the hell does it play Elvis Costello every other song? Because it’s technological, I’m pretty certain it does this because it hates me. And is trying to mock me. And question my feeling that Elvis Costello is the true king of rock n roll. No, I really believe it, I DO! Please play something else. I named my ipod Mr. Wickham too, which is what I named my computer. I explained this to Steve this way: He’s Mr. Wickham’s Mr. Wickham. Steve understood this.

To the blog! As a freelance writer, I get to do a few things. I get to wear whatever I want (garters, fishnets and stilettos yoga pants) and I get to hang out in cafes. Well, I don’t get to do this often because I have a small child who doesn’t appreciate the finer points of being slightly abused at the hands of a barrista while listening to discordant indie rock and paying a small fortune for a cup of tea. But today, my friend Cathy is watching Arch while I work. So I went to a cafe.

And I ordered a tea. And I’m working on my mac. And now I have an urgent question for my blog readers.

It is this: Is it okay if I stab the two men next to me in the ears with a wooden stirrer because they are having a heart-to-heart discussion about selling insurance and what that means, and Jim’s intention vs. Jerry’s intention and how does one sell insurance and really OWN ONE’S OFFICE?

No, that’s not the question. I already know the answer: yes.

Here’s the question: can I leave my computer on the table while I go pee? I don’t want to take it with me because that would make me look like I don’t trust my fellow cafe go-ers. And I totally trust them! Except I don’t. Not at all. Even though, we’re in Portland, so they are all white, I STILL DON’T TRUST THEM. But I can’t look like a big non-trusting person. Or a shmo who needs her computer with her in the bathroom. And I fear interrupting the insurance guys because they might just try to sell me something like a new air filter for my car, which I’ll be forced to turn down and then scowl and then they’ll say something like this: You should smile more. And then I’ll be arrested for man slaughter.

Okay, answer quickly because I need to go bad. Real bad. So bad, I can’t use adverbs.

Wait, oh god, I think I’m in luck. An Asian girl just walked in. PLEASE LET HER SIT BY ME. NOOOO! Sat across the cafe.

Please COMMENT quickly people, for the sake of my bladder!